Christianity is not at home with the term self-care. There's even an aversion to the word 'self' because we Christians are called to be God-centered and others-oriented. We were taught to love God and our neighbors and to love our enemies. We were taught to endure pain and suffering and that we have to carry our crosses daily. For those who take their Christianity far too seriously, the term "self-care" might seem uncomfortable. While this may be truer for some more than others, I do believe that many sincere Christians today prefer words like "selflessness," "self-sacrifice," or "self-control."
How then will we understand the now popular self-care movement? Is this wrong? Is this something contrary to Christian values? How do we practice self-care?
Throughout Jesus' mission, he was very conscious of his own needs, frequently withdrawing from the company of his followers or the people's attention so that he might rest, think, and reenergize. These measures were not based on self-interest; instead, they realized the critical function rest plays in human life. Jesus rested because it was the correct thing to do; rest was required. Even our Heavenly Father emphasizes the importance of taking time off. Sabbath is a reminder of this, as is Jesus' call for everyone weary and heavy-laden to come to him so he might give them rest. Jesus exemplifies self-care that is both healthy and fundamental. It is directed by the Father. As a result, we must also take good care of our physical and mental well-being.
Self-care is facing the hard truth you are not God. In other words, it's deciding to put your faith in the God who created you to be enough and to allow you to rest. Setting limits in your life and schedule to deliberately declare, "God will take care of this," is what self-care is all about. That is to say: the first step in self-care is often saying "no" to yourself.
We need personal space. The Gospel tells us that Jesus often retreated to lonely places to pray. This also applies to us. As busy as life can be, we occasionally need to withdraw from it all to recharge our batteries. This can include everything from keeping all of our appointments, cooking all our meals, taking care of our children, writing our reports, earning our paychecks, and socializing with our friends. There's nothing wrong with locking yourself away for a half-hour on the weekend to read a book and relax. Your loved ones or friends won't miss you for that long. Commit to this regularly. Allow yourself to feel the rhythm of periodic rests and allow people close to you to know that this period is crucial.
We are all familiar with the story of Martha and Mary. On a visit to the house in Bethany, Mary snuck into the living room where Jesus was speaking and sat at his feet, paying close attention. Realizing that she is doing everything alone, Martha protests her hard work in the kitchen to have everything ready. What was Jesus' reply? "Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her" (Luke 10:42).
Mary has made the right decision by choosing the more direct route. If this narrative has taught us anything, that is to spend more time in the living room and less time in the kitchen. Sit at Jesus' feet for a while because self-care entails being aware of one's strengths and weaknesses. It involves recognizing when you're taking on more than you can handle and figuring out how to slow down when it comes to self-care.
Self-care is selfish if, while taking care of yourself, you've neglected God and your neighbor. It is selfish if your reason is to avoid responsibilities, obligations, and conflicts that you need to deal with. If that is the case, that is not self-care. That is escape. We don't use self-care as an excuse to shun people. Withdrawal is different from avoidance. Self-care becomes selfish if what you are after is pure comfort, relaxation, and rest. On the other hand, self-care is when you replenish your batteries after a long, stressful day so you can be a better parent. After a fight, you go off by yourself to rest or pray so that you may return to the argument calmer in mind, body, and emotions. It is self-care if you take some time to rest and rejuvenate after working, helping, volunteering, or simply spending time with friends. This is not selfish. This is simply self-care. After all, we can't love our neighbors as ourselves if we don't love ourselves.
It is easy to misconstrue that self-care is about self-healing and that we have the power to care for ourselves. Allow me to give a simple analogy:
Kapag nasira ang isang gadget o appliance at kailangan ito ng repair, pwede mo yang ipagawa sa kahit saang applicance or gadget repair shop. Magagawa din naman. But chances are, masisira lang ulit. Kung gusto mo na siguradong maaayos, ibalik mo ang gadget sa gumawa, sa official repair center. Kasi ang siguradong may alam paano gawin ang isang bagay na sira, ay yung gumawa. Ganun din pagdating sa atin. Kapag naramdaman mong pagod ka na, gutay-gutay, at wasak… bumalik ka sa gumawa sa iyo. Bumalik ka sa Diyos. Alam Niya ang gagawin sayo. Alam Niya paano ka aayusin ulit.
To a lonely place to pray… Find that lonely place. This lonely place is not a location. The lonely place is being in the presence of the Lord.